I wrote a blog last week on integrity and then promptly lost it somewhere on my computer – or maybe I deleted it in error. For whatever reason it disappeared I feel it was meant to, as since then something very real popped up into my reality.
Integrity is all about honouring yourself as your word
and especially so when you have promised yourself something. It shows up in your energy and people can sense when something is off with you. Well I find that especially in the world of attracting clients. And for me it is so hugely disrespectful to my soul, the sovereign being of my I AM presence, to not honour myself as my word.
So this week I have been dealing with a real issue in the world of being a Trustee in the complex where I live. Mostly I have loved being of service to the other residents and especially so that my portfolio has been the gardens.
There is only one other trustee besides myself and for the last 6 months or so I have found I have been left out more and more around the decision making on projects in the complex. The first I know of things is when I get copied in on an email accepting a quote from a contractor!!! I have been ignoring the red flags and the niggling tug of war / inner conflict that has been going on inside of me especially around the world of boundaries and integrity.
The integrity part is due to feeling very responsible as to what the owner’s levy money is being spent on, the quality of the work being done and the very projects themselves. I took the job of a trustee very seriously especially the part of representing all the owners and how can I be responsible for something I had no say in and in some cases was dead against?
Boundaries
The issue of where I was allowing my boundaries to be walked all over came up when I saw to the extent to which I was being undermined, my opinions and suggestions not valued, being ignored and the fact that when I did voice my concern and disapproval of how things were been done I was disrespected as the person laughed at me.
Now I have not written a boundaries program for nothing – it’s there to help people that are in situations like what I was experiencing. I often say the Universe has a wicked sense of humour and oh boy they were having a field day with me. I was grabbling with the enjoyment of serving and seeing that the complex was run beautifully and the he-man alfa-male ego power struggle thing of the 3rd dimension playing out right in front of my face!
I have come from 2 marriages I ended because of this abuse of power control thing and here it was playing out again – what had I learnt and written about in my boundaries program and how come I was letting it slide once again? I only sat up and took notice when I realized I had no clients booked for this week or the near future. Alarm bells went off – who am I being such that this is showing up? I then noticed how low my energy was and how uninspired and flat I was feeling – what was draining me like this? What was the cause?
Being my own client
This is where I love the fact that I am a practitioner of EFT. Six short minutes later I addressed the energy in my body saw what was going on, did my clearing statements and then typed up my resignation letter to the managing agent of our complex.
I also do automatic writing, so back I went to my personal session and I wrote “what was the reason for all of this”. The answer was very clear. “You need to blog about this experience because you will be helping others. Only when you personally overcome a struggle can you claim back your strength and the essence of who you are. Your truth will shine brighter now as you have mastered this lesson, you are a beacon of hope for others and a leader as you show them how it is done. The world needs you; this is why you are here.” Sweet!
I then pulled a Dragon oracle card – by Dianne Cooper and the artwork is by Carla Lee Morrow.
The Fire Dragon burns up lower energies around you, you are safe and protected. Be determined and inspired. Clear your soul pathway. I had a real laugh out moment as I read the advice in the little booklet and one line said “They will light up our friends and roar at those that undermine us!” You just cannot make this stuff up! The booklet used the very word I used to describe how I felt earlier – undermined.
The other amazing thing was that as I finished my healing and clearing statements I visualized a fire burning tall and free, it was all consuming and powerful in its deep orange and yellow yet I was fearless and in control within it as it burnt and cleared out all lower dense energies around and within me. This is the source of my power, this is me! The card I pulled of the Fire dragon represents what I visualized perfectly – it’s the perfect confirmation I needed.
I once more am standing proud, standing strong and true to myself. There is no greater peace than when you are true to yourself, honouring who you are and having integrity not only to others but to yourself. It’s a feeling that all is right with my world – I invite you to try it, the feeling is indescribable.
A footnote:
As I re read what I wrote I was thinking so within, so without. Where have I made someone feel this way? The word undermine popped up. On reflecting I see how asking the very real questions of “have you received referrals from this company and did you inspect previous work done or phoned the previous clients to hear what their experience was and are they happy with the end result?” must have felt like I was undermining the person I was speaking to. So for that reason I stopped and asked for forgiveness as that was not my intention at all. I said the “I am sorry, please forgive me I am sorry, thank you” ho’oponopono prayer remembering to include the Universe and my soul as I had wronged them as well.
I also looked at the fact that I had spoken like a know it all and not from a gentle loving heart space because I was annoyed at been told about a new project and not asked. There are always lessons to be learnt in every situation, always places to grow heal and evolve